I am a thinker, an analyzer, a watcher of people and I am very aware of my actions and surroundings. I know my behavior can affect others around me and I try to be aware and tactful. What do you do when you recognize the signs of depression in yourself and try as you might, knowing that you should be cleaning the dishes or looking after girls, your body chooses to shuffle over to the couch and plop down to watch 4 hours of TV, sending the girls to Daddy when they want or need something. I am sleeping more and getting up later in the morning. I struggle with myself to do more than watch TV and find my brain resisting my efforts. Then my miracle happened...
Even though Hubby is my everything, a girl still needs her girlfriend. Of all the days my best friend could have called, this was the day I needed it most. This is the girl that knows me better than anyone and has been my partner in crime for so many things. We have shared both good times and bad times with each other and I can always count on her to walk with me down our crazy memory lane. As if she sensed I needed her shoulder to cry on, she called and made me laugh again. We talked for nearly 6 hours on the Video Phone, while Hubby kept the girls busy and let me have my "girl talk".
We talked about everything and I shed some tears, I laughed and then eventually we ended up doing a little gossiping. It was what I really needed most today, to have some kind words and encouragement and recharge my batteries to keep me going. It was nice to not worry for a few hours and instead to enjoy talking and laughing and hearing what was going on with so-and-so and to also get a reminder that though we may be low on money, we have our health and love for one another. She is dealing with medical issues in her family and my heart aches for her. We made plans to get together with her coming all the way out here for the day, so I don't have to come up with gas money to go to her. We have known each other since high school and I predict we will grow old and grey together. Thanks friend, for calling today. I feel so much better and my heart is lighter.
I also want to thank LaRonda for leaving a heartfelt comment on my previous post. It was a kind reminder that I am not the only one that goes through tough times and to know that it isn't permanent. There IS a light at the end of this dark tunnel and every now and then we pass a window where light shines in, showing us the good things in life.
This is another Santa that my Dad carved and my Stepmom painted. They make a good team!
My soul is feeling better today and I feel optimistic again. People around us have rallied to support us and I am more than grateful for their kindness. It has always been hard for me to ask for help and I am not one to break down and reveal my weaknesses. This holiday has shown me that people are still full of hope and a willingness to help others and it just makes my heart swell. A total stranger that Hubby and I have never met but has become good friends with Hubby's mother has given us a turkey for our Christmas meal. Just that small act of kindness chokes me up and has restored my faith in human kindness and goodwill. The in-laws are coming over tomorrow and they are bringing a few gifts for the girls to wrap for each other. I feel so lucky to have such wonderful in-laws.
My Christmas spirit is coming back and it's due to all the kindness of people around me. Thank you, and I wish you all a very Merry Christmas (or Happy Hanukkah) and a prosperous New Year!