Friday, July 27, 2007

Unwelcome Visitor

I am having a visitor here and she isn't very well liked. I am not ashamed to say it to her face that I don't like her. She is mean to me. She socks me in the stomach and makes me double over in pain. She fights dirty and I feel all sore and achy for a week. She forces me to eat when I don't want to. She makes my clothes tighter and I have to suck in my breath to button my pants. I end up wearing my jammies all week because it's the only thing comfortable. She comes every month and stays for a whole week each time. Oh how I loathe Aunt Flo's visits!

I have always had terrible visits with Aunt Flo.. So when I first got pregnant with Oldest, I was excited about the baby, but I was more excited about not having my period for a whole 9 months! Then when I found out that breastfeeding sometimes kept Aunt Flo away, that only made me more surer of my decision to breastfeed. How lovely it was not to fiddle around with tampons and pads. To not wake up and find a bloody stain on the sheets from an overflowing pad. To not have crippling cramps and back ache and turning into Freddy Kreuger every month.

At Oldest's first birthday party, I found out I was pregnant with Middle. I still hadn't had a visit from Aunt Flo yet!! Another glorious 9 months of nothing and I was going to nurse Middle as long as I could! I nursed Middle until she was about 15 months old when she was starting to wean herself off the boob. I finally got my first period in 3 years and 7 months. I only got one visit from her before I got pregnant again with youngest. Oh yeah! Oh baby! I was up for round 3! But Youngest weaned herself off of the boob at only 10 months. No matter how much I waved the boob in her face, she looked the other way. I squirted milk in her mouth, nothing. *sob!* No-o-o-o!!!

Aunt Flo returned shortly after and she came back with a vengeance! She was going to make me PAY for avoiding her for 5 years and 2 months. The only thing that makes me crawl out of bed, whimpering, is the girls. For my girls, I drag myself, lifeless, through the house to make them breakfast and then crawl to the nearest chair. Oh, lunchtime? Have a pop-tart. Snack? Toss some fruit in their direction. Dinner? Want another pop-tart?

My amazing Hubby knows when Aunt Flo is about to visit. As a matter of fact, he knows before I do! She used to be very punctual and came every 4 weeks, exactly, and stayed a full 7 days, exactly. Now? She comes and goes as she pleases, but it's always for a full 7 days, the bitch! But Hubby, wonderful Hubby, can smell a change in my breath and he tells me I have "period breath"! Sure enough, within a couple of days, she is here! Thanks to Hubby, I get a little heads-up and try to avoid the bloody stain on the sheets or getting a surprise in my pants the next time I gotta pee.

Tomorrow morning, Hubby's parents are coming over for lunch. I love when they come to visit and the girls get to see Grandma and Granddaddy! I just didn't expect to have Aunt Flo here, too. And the In-Laws? They like to come early, like 8:30 in the morning early. Which means I will have no time to sleep off some of Aunt Flo's period hangover. So I am off to bed early and I am going to strangle Aunt Flo, but the bitch always wins.

23 comments:

LaRonda said...

You are just absolutely my favorite blogger! I'm cracking up! What a creative chic-post this was! I empathized, laughed till tears came, and still find myself beaming a big smile as I write this comment.

Keep up the good work! you are a creative and witty writer! You rock!

One of your biggest fans,

~ LaRonda

sufferingsummer said...

I second what LaRonda said exactly.
Amen sister!

Krissie said...

Tell me about it! First, there are mild pains in the low back, then not so mild cramps, then headache... Next thing I know, I'm popping pills like a mad man while lying in bed and biting heads off anyone who comes near, all the while bleeding severely (or so it seems - I know we lose like 4-5 spoons of blood only). Yeah, that's the ever fun week of the month... And I'm not even having babies any time soon.

Karen Mayes said...

Aunt Flo... that is a cool name. I name mine Red Bloat, since I do bloat up just before and on the first two days of bleeding... ugh. But I like what you named yours!

Yup, breastfeeding sure keeps period away... I breastfed my daughter for 2 years.

Lisa C. said...

I third LaRonda. I haven't had "Ant Flo" since I was 28 due to a fun hysterectomy when my youngest son was 2. I nearly fainted when I saw the prices on the kotex boxes at the store recently.

The Good Woman said...

You would have thought with all the medical advances made that they would have sorted this out by now... But no, Aunt Flo is still painful - not to mention annoying...

Gin said...

I know I don't comment very much here, for which I do apologize...

but know that I do read your posts and enjoy your sense of humor and your down to earth brand of writing.

And I agree....

Aunt Flo can be a major bitch.

Gin said...

By the way, Blogger seems to refuse to acknowledge my more common blogging name, and uses the name by which I set up my account there (which I never use, since I blog on WordPress instead).

But again, keep up the good work.

~ Ocean
Deaf Pagan Crossroads

jenny said...

Laronda-- Thank you!! Every word of it is true!!

Summer-- Aw shucks! Thanks!

Krissie-- Maybe YOU only lose 4 to 5 spoons of blood, I think I lose much more than that. But however much it is, I look forward to menopause! Either that or I beg Hubby for baby #4!

jenny said...

Karen-- Red Bloat, that's a good one! I do that too! I think more women would breastfeed if they knew it kept periods at bay! Maybe we should add that to the breastfeeding campaign!

Lisa-- Yes, prices are crazy for tampons and pads.. I tease Hubby that maybe I ought to use the baby's diapers!

Good Woman-- So true! I used to pop pills like they were candy to take away the pain, but after having my girls and nursing, I have gotten used to not taking anything anymore. But I have been eyeing the bottle of excedrin lately..

jenny said...

Gin-- Thank you! I don't always leave comments on yours either.. :o) I am pleased to know you like my writing!

sufferingsummer said...

I forgot to mention...that I'm insanely jealous that your period stayed away all the way through breast feeding. I am still nursing (only once a day mind you but still) and I got my period back almost 8 months ago...when she was still nursing a ton! What is the deal? How do I make it stay away!!!

jenny said...

Oh Summer.. I wish I knew why you got yours and I didnt. I have heard that for some women, nursing doesnt keep Aunt Flo away.. While for others (like me), it stays away. I hoped I would be one of the lucky ones, because really, Aunt Flo is a bitch to me!

You know how they say that birth control pills are supposed to help reduce period symptoms and lighten the flow? Hah! didnt work for me.. Same old heavy flow and cramps and rotten old Freddy Kreuger for a week. So I never bothered to go back on it after I stopped before we had Oldest. ( i know, we're playing with fire right now!) Maybe you'll get lucky with baby #2, if you ever decide to have another one...

DJ Kirkby said...

Hi sweetie, my heart goes out to you! My mom swears by tea made from dried Yarrow flowers. You can add Cammolile to make the taste more palatable and honey of course. drink it regularly warm or cold. It makes your flow lessen and the pain diminish slightly. Breast feeding will only keep menses away if you feed at least every 2 hours for most women, is that what you did? You are a wonderful mother but the bit about the pop tarts had me crying tears of laughter, been there felt that!

Elsie Button said...

brilliant post, but poor you. well done for avoiding for over 5 years though! and 'period breath' ? how bizarre!!

jenny said...

Dj-- I fed the girls whenever they wanted to be fed. I didnt listen when the doctor told me to feed only every 3 hours and each boob for 15 minutes. Pooh.. I just nursed her when she needed me and on one boob and then the other boob the next time. It seemed to do the trick and all my babies were happy well fed babies.

I hate to admit I have "pop-tart days" but it happens every now and then when I don't feel well. I make up for it with super healthy meals afterwards.

Elsie!! --I thought you abandoned us!! Glad to have back again! Hubby just knows me so well, that he can tell when my breath is different. Ain't that something?

lady macleod said...

LOL ..not at your pain, but your frank and hilarious description. "..have another pop tart."

I shall not tell you I never had any trouble lest I never hear from you again, but Q poor thing is in your "I hate it." club.

I am so sorry you are 'unwell' but thank you for the laughs.

Sparx said...

Hi Jenny - I'm so sorry - bad luck! I'm hanging on as she's bound to visit me soon... 18 months off so far and counting... cutting back on the breastfeeding through so waiting with baited breath...

jenny said...

Lady M-- No not jealous that you didnt get terrible symptoms.. Some of us get lucky in one way and others in a different way. I have to look a it like this, without Aunt Flo, I could not have my 3 beautiful babies! thanks for coming by!

Sparx-- Thanks. I hope when Aunt Flo comes back for you, she won't be mean! I heard that periods change after pregnancy, but mine didnt.. except for attendance.

wakeupandsmellthecoffee said...

Ah Jenny, if only Aunt Flo would visit me again. Forgiven are the 8-day visits full of cramps.

jenny said...

Coffee-- 8 days?!? I bow down to you! I couldnt handle one more day with Aunt Flo! 7 is more than enough for me.

Lisa C. said...

Are you gonna try for 4th? It might be a boy.
I used to nurse my son for up to 6 month before my milk factory broke down for good and I was disappointed. I didn't have an ant flow in 19 months.
One deaf woman I met in Dec during the Deaf Women's Christmas dinner was complaining why she continued having her period and she was 48. I told her that she was probalbly like Abraham's wife Sarah from the Bible story. (She and Abraham started a family when he was 100 years old.) Everyone laughed. One of them said that her mother had a menopause at 60.

Cindi and Matt said...

Jenny, I like to go through the "beginning days" entries of people whose blogs I've just discovered - it gives me a better feel for who they are (and besides...I love to read! lol) - and that's what I've been doing with yours.

There were other entries you made that had me thinking to comment, but I didn't want you to end up with a deluge of comments in your old entries! This one, however, is BEGGING for comment!

DJ Kirkby said her Mom used a tea made with dried Yarrow flowers, which I could wholeheartedly recommend. You can find some info on Yarrow here: http://www.altnature.com/gallery/yarrow.htm

Something I would recommend even more, if such a thing were possible, would be the Indian herb Shatavari (some places spelled Shatawari). I had irregular periods when I went off the pill and found that the Shatavari definitely helped. You can find Shatavari pills for sale online, and they are well worth what money you'd pay for them! :)

Also worth looking into is another herb called Vitex. I believe in having a variety of options. ;-)

As this is my first comment in your journal, I just wanted to say thank you so much for writing! I have found myself nodding my head in agreement in a number of places, and laughing in others. Thank you!

Cheers,
Cindi