I am having a visitor here and she isn't very well liked. I am not ashamed to say it to her face that I don't like her. She is mean to me. She socks me in the stomach and makes me double over in pain. She fights dirty and I feel all sore and achy for a week. She forces me to eat when I don't want to. She makes my clothes tighter and I have to suck in my breath to button my pants. I end up wearing my jammies all week because it's the only thing comfortable. She comes every month and stays for a whole week each time. Oh how I loathe Aunt Flo's visits!
I have always had terrible visits with Aunt Flo.. So when I first got pregnant with Oldest, I was excited about the baby, but I was more excited about not having my period for a whole 9 months! Then when I found out that breastfeeding sometimes kept Aunt Flo away, that only made me more surer of my decision to breastfeed. How lovely it was not to fiddle around with tampons and pads. To not wake up and find a bloody stain on the sheets from an overflowing pad. To not have crippling cramps and back ache and turning into Freddy Kreuger every month.
At Oldest's first birthday party, I found out I was pregnant with Middle. I still hadn't had a visit from Aunt Flo yet!! Another glorious 9 months of nothing and I was going to nurse Middle as long as I could! I nursed Middle until she was about 15 months old when she was starting to wean herself off the boob. I finally got my first period in 3 years and 7 months. I only got one visit from her before I got pregnant again with youngest. Oh yeah! Oh baby! I was up for round 3! But Youngest weaned herself off of the boob at only 10 months. No matter how much I waved the boob in her face, she looked the other way. I squirted milk in her mouth, nothing. *sob!* No-o-o-o!!!
Aunt Flo returned shortly after and she came back with a vengeance! She was going to make me PAY for avoiding her for 5 years and 2 months. The only thing that makes me crawl out of bed, whimpering, is the girls. For my girls, I drag myself, lifeless, through the house to make them breakfast and then crawl to the nearest chair. Oh, lunchtime? Have a pop-tart. Snack? Toss some fruit in their direction. Dinner? Want another pop-tart?
My amazing Hubby knows when Aunt Flo is about to visit. As a matter of fact, he knows before I do! She used to be very punctual and came every 4 weeks, exactly, and stayed a full 7 days, exactly. Now? She comes and goes as she pleases, but it's always for a full 7 days, the bitch! But Hubby, wonderful Hubby, can smell a change in my breath and he tells me I have "period breath"! Sure enough, within a couple of days, she is here! Thanks to Hubby, I get a little heads-up and try to avoid the bloody stain on the sheets or getting a surprise in my pants the next time I gotta pee.
Tomorrow morning, Hubby's parents are coming over for lunch. I love when they come to visit and the girls get to see Grandma and Granddaddy! I just didn't expect to have Aunt Flo here, too. And the In-Laws? They like to come early, like 8:30 in the morning early. Which means I will have no time to sleep off some of Aunt Flo's period hangover. So I am off to bed early and I am going to strangle Aunt Flo, but the bitch always wins.