13th

If I could do it all over again, I'd probably get married outside in a park somewhere, completely laid back and relaxed. Just family and a few close friends and we'd all chow down at a cook-out and a bonfire. I'd be in a simple dress, my hair down, a flower picked from nearby. He'd be himself: pants, a nice shirt. Definitely no bridesmaids or groomsmen.

We got married in a lovely church and had about 60 guests, but the reception part will always be disappointing to me. We held it in the basement of the church, which was fine, really. I wanted it to be simple and so we had ordered platters of sandwich fixins' and a sweet store-bought wedding cake. Unbeknownst to me, the night before, at the rehearsal, also held in the church basement, my soon-to-be-in laws ordered identical platters of sandwich fixin's for the rehearsal dinner.

I had labored on making a music mix tape and it never got played beyond the first song of "We Are Family" and we never had our first dance. The pastor left immediately after the ceremony, too sick to stay and join the celebration and the janitor rushed us along, anxious to clean, lock up and go home.

I always felt we got home too early, sometime around 4 and as Andrew and I sat in our apartment living room, surrounded by gifts, we didn't know what to do. It felt too soon to be alone, where was everybody? We went to the nearby mall to eat dinner at the food court. I didn't want to cook--I got married today!-- and I was in the mood for a pizza turnover and he wanted something else, so to the food court we went. To this day I still think it's funny to see our car in the mall parking lot with 'Just Married' written on the back window.

Looking back, I got caught up in the traditional wedding arrangements. I was determined to not spend money we didn't have, but I wanted the wedding I thought I was supposed to have. We paid for everything up front-- there was no debt after the wedding was over, and I am proud of that, but I look at those pictures and I'm not sure who I'm looking at. My hair was all curled and fixed up and my face painted. Andrew was all gussied up in a rented tuxedo. Bridesmaids in lime green dresses and groomsmen in more rented tuxes. We look like a nice couple, but it isn't who we really are.

Part of me thought that it would be a once in a lifetime chance to dress up and get my hair fixed and get married to a man in a tux. But now? Who cares about the clothes! I have a dress hanging in my closet that I'll never wear again-- thank goodness I only paid $75 for it. I have shoes and make-up I bought just for the wedding that never got used again. The wedding didn't really reflect who we were and I really think that we were being who we thought we were supposed to be that day.

I don't regret that day, we did get married after all. These 13 years together have been wonderful and I wouldn't change a thing. All of the happy moments, the rough spots, the time spent together, the children we created, the home we have made for each other-- all of it was meant to be. I couldn't imagine being married to anyone else. He loves me exactly the way I am, never asks me to be who I'm not. I never have to pretend around Andrew. He never has to be anyone else but himself around me.

I love who we are, the family we have become together and what we stand for. Thank you for asking me to marry you and for being my husband these 13 years. Happy Anniversary Andrew! May we have many, many more! I love you!

~

Twelve.

Twelve years ago I married this man.
Twelve years later, I'm still happy I did.

~~~

Wake Up Call

Have any of you seen the movie, "He's Just Not That Into You"? I watched it last night and there is an eye-opening scene in there that has gotten me thinking and realizing that I was doing the same thing.

In the opening scene, there is a little girl playing in the sandbox and a little boy walks over to her and pushes her down and calls her names. She starts crying to her mother and the mother tells her that he did that because he likes her. The voice-over says that we are programmed from when we are little girls, that if a boy treats us like jerks, he likes us. So we put up with a lot of crap from boys because we -think- he likes us.

OMG!

I remember in high school, trying to navigate that slippery path of girl likes boy/ boy likes girl stuff and one boy that I really liked used to hurt me. It was popular to try to smack the top of every one's butt with the tip of your fingers, I don't know what it was called, but we'd use the back and tip of your fingers to cause a sting where it landed. It wasn't a butt grabbing thing, but just something we did for fun. I did it and it was done to me, and it would end up in a chase where we'd try to get the person back. Anyway, the one guy I liked, he would do that smacking thing to my breasts. Ow!! I'd chase him a little ways, but damn, that hurt when he did that. But you know what? Instead of telling myself to stay away from him, I continued to like him. How twisted is that?!

Except for that one time, I didn't normally take any crap from boys, but I am guilty of soothing a little girl and telling her that he punched her in the arm because he liked her. Someone told me that when I was a little girl and I am continuing the cycle. No more! I have not yet said that to my own girls, and now I never will.

Andrew and I talk all the time about how we want to raise strong kids and teach them not to take any crap or let anyone walk all over them. We would like them to have self-defense or karate classes. We try to teach them that if someone really loved them, they would never hurt them. I hope that when they are old enough to enter into romances and relationships, that they choose kind-hearted partners and don't fall for the pretty-on-the-outside-jerky-on-on-the-inside kind of people.

There's also a scene in the movie where a girl discovers the guy is married, and her friend tells her that she could still have a chance with him. Like he was married but not to the love of his life, and that -she- could be the love of his life, which was all the encouragement she needed to call him up. Now granted, if the guy was really happy in his marriage, he wouldn't have cheated, but if she wasn't calling him, the temptation wouldn't have been there either. Goes both ways.

My husband and I were both ready to get married when we met. I was tired of looking and getting disappointed with the boys I was dating; Andrew was ready to settle down and spend his life with someone that would love him as much as he loved her. So when we met, we had both already lived our single lives and were ready to go to that next step: marriage. We were friends first, then we dated briefly before we were engaged. We had a long engagement and lived together before we got married. Then we waited a few years before having children, so we felt like we had our "couple time". There was no wishing we could do this or that, no looking back with regrets or wanting to hit the bars and relive our single days. I think we did everything right for us. Might not work for other people, but it was the right way to do things for us.

I can only hope that our kids will have a marriage like ours. I wish for them to find someone that loves them with all their heart, to find that special someone who only wants to make them happy and vice versa. I hope that by example, they'll see how Andrew and I are with each other, that they can look for someone with similar qualities. Andrew is the best person I could have ever picked-- he truly loves me and I feel it, see it, know it. I love him just as much and if there are any arguments between us, it's who loves the other more!

If you haven't seen it, go watch "He's Just Not That Into You". I'm thinking I can watch it one or two more times to see if there are other pearls of wisdom I might have missed.

Fried Wontons:: Make Your Own!

I've said before that I love chinese food. Since we moved away from our favorite chinese restaurant 5 years ago, and discovering not a single good chinese place around here, I have been teaching myself how to cook chinese. A few weeks ago, I decided to try making my own fried wontons. They're pretty easy to make, but be sure to start a couple of hours before you want to eat these.. they take some time to put together.

I made my own wonton wrappers-- you can buy these in the store, but at the time I wanted to make these, I didn't plan ahead and I wanted them now, so I found a recipe to make my own wrappers. If you buy the wrappers, then you've cut the prep-work in half. Here's how to make your own wrappers::

Begin with 2 cups of flour, 1 tsp of salt and 1 egg.


Don't forget to take your ring(s) off and then get your husband to put it back on for you later.

Using your hands, work the egg into the flour, then add up to about 3-4 tbsp of cold water.
Knead until it is smooth and holds into a ball without crumbling. You'll need to roll this out, so the texture is somewhat similar to a pie crust.

This is what it should look like when it's done.

Cover with a damp cloth then refrigerate for at least 30 minutes.

Meanwhile, get your wonton filling started:

1/2 cup of ground pork (I use a little more--about 3/4 c), 1 clove of minced garlic, a pinch of pepper. You can add a tsp of cilantro, but I didn't have any on hand and it's optional.

Mix well then put in the fridge.

You can buy sweet and sour sauce for dipping, or you can make your own.

I made mine.

You'll need 2 tbsp water, 1 tbsp white vinegar, 3 tbsp sugar and 1 tsp of plum sauce.

Stir to combine then cook to dissolve sugar. About a minute in the microwave, 5 minutes on the stove. I used my plum jam instead of plum sauce and it tastes just like the real thing. I think I'll add cornstarch to thicken it up a little bit, but the flavor is great. It keeps well in the fridge, the last batch I made a month ago is still good.

By now, the wonton dough has been in the fridge long enough.

My recipe says to use a rolling pin and roll until very thin, almost transparent. I have a big, bulky rolling pin, so instead, I used my pasta maker. Did the job just fine! I started at the largest thickness and worked my way to the 6th level. There is one more notch to make it thinner, but 6 was just right.

If you rolled it with a rolling pin, cut 3 inch squares, flour lightly and stack.

If you used a pasta maker, I trimmed the really wavy ends and eyeballed it.

Don't worry if your squares are not perfect, it'll still taste good.

Before there were chinese restaurants with their perfect pictures of food on the wall, chinese food was made at home, after a long day of working, so I'm pretty sure they didn't hack off someones head if their wonton wrapper wasn't perfectly square!
Anyway, keep rolling and cutting until you've used all the dough and you have a nice stack of wonton wrappers. It makes a lot!

Take a small amount of pork mixture-- like 1/2 a tsp or less; you can't use more because if there is too much, then the meat won't cook before the dough burns in the oil. Who wants blackened wontons with raw meat in the middle???

Put the meat smack dab in the middle of the wrapper...

Fold it like so...

Turn it around...

Dunk a finger or a thumb in cold water...

Wet one corner of the dough then bend it towards the other corner til they meet in the middle.

Takes practice.. after you do a couple, you'll get the hang of it.

Press the two corners together to seal it and it should look like:

This!

Repeat, repeat, repeat, until all the meat is gone or you run out of wrappers.

If you run out of meat, you can cut the wrappers into strips and fry them for those nice crispy strips they use for toppings in chinese restaurants. The kids love them!

If you run out of wrappers, you can use the meat for something else, cook it into the meal you're making or freeze it for another time.

This is one batch of wonton dough. It makes a lot, I tell ya! I ran out of meat, so there were 4 wrappers left, which I fried up into strips.

Get your vegetable oil hot, and fry up a few of these at a time.. about 30-45 secs on each side.
Remove and drain on a paper towel or newspaper.

Ready for eatin'!

Serve with your meal and the sweet and sour sauce on the side.

I made chinese chicken and potatoes for dinner and we had the wontons as a side.

Delicious!! The kids gobble this up!

Don't forget to get your husband to put your ring back on!!

"Will you marry me?"

"Yes! Again and again!"

"Mwah! I'm so happy! C'mon, let's go on our honeymoon!"

Excuse me, gotta go folks!

:o)

-

Ba-Ba-Ba!

I like watching Glee on hulu.com. It's a musical comedy show and I've always had a thing for musicals, never mind that I can't hear!

Anyway, on one of their recent episodes, one of the characters sang a shortened version of Neil Diamonds' 'Sweet Caroline'. I remember that song from when I was a kid and since watching that episode last week, I have Sweet Caroline stuck on the broken record player I have in my head, only I can't remember the words, so it's "Sweet Caroline, ba-ba-ba, dah dah dah da da da dah, sweet caroline, ba-ba-ba..." over and over.

I was humming it while making breakfast this morning and Hubby interjected his version of the song, saying I wasn't singing it right and it went "ba-da-da" (or something like that) and we got into this whole debate over who was singing it right. Let's see, deaf girl versus die-hard music lover hearing man? Guess who was right?

I played the clip from Glee because it was captioned and after it was done, Hubby told me to youtube it, so I did and guess what? I was still right! Hah!

We were laughing about it, so it wasn't a fight or anything, just one of those laughing-can't-believe-we're-arguing-about-this kind of debate. Still, though, it felt good to be right. Then, Mom and I were talking about how Neil Diamond was jewish and all, and the Hubby interupted with, "wait, what? He's jewish?" Ah-hahahahaha!! TWO deaf ladies know more about a singer than he did!!

I LOVE LOVE LOVE my husband. It's SO much fun being married to him and I love that we can laugh over stuff like this. That I can hum and sing a song, even though I know I'm not in tune and probably not singing the right words half the time, and you know what? Hubby will sing right along with me! Wrong words and all!

Now, go youtube it and sing Sweet Caroline! :o)

Eleven and One Day

That's how many years my husband and I have been living in wedded bliss. sigh...

It feels like I have been married to him for much longer and 11 years just seems too short.

After we exchanged our vows, kissed, celebrated with guests and ate cake, the wedding seemed like it was over too quick. We were home by 6 and our drive to our honeymoon destination was not until the next morning. It almost felt like we had just gotten back from a fancy party and not our wedding. We changed into regular clothes and looked at each other as if to say, "What now?"

We were hungry. I didn't want to cook. He didn't want to cook. My favorite place to eat at the time was a pizza joint in the local mall. So we went to the mall for dinner!

We drove in our car with 'Just Married' written all over the back window and parked in the mall lot and we ate at the mall. On our wedding day. I still think that's funny.

Here's to plenty more years of wedded bliss, baby! Mwah!

It's Time...

My poor husband.

He has been so very patient.

During the last month of my pregnancy, I have pretty much cut him off in the hanky-panky department.

It wasn't to be mean or anything. It was just getting uncomfortable with my big belly in the way and being so tired at the end of the day. I mean, I was taking care of 3 children and trying to work in the garden and making jams and jellies on top of cooking and cleaning. Really, bedroom romps had just fallen to the bottom of the priority list.

My husband, my sweet patient husband, has not pushed me in any way. He has not begged or pleaded or demanded that we have some night-time extracurricular activities. But that's not to say he hasn't hinted.

After having the baby, I get a 6-week "get out of jail" card. I have an automatic excuse not to do anything. I've just had a baby for pete's sake! My poor, stretched out coochie needs time to heal! I was having post-partum leakage and it's all just one big, sloppy mess down there!

But now that the baby is officially 6 weeks old... well, can I say the husband is well aware of the time? Now that the post-partum leakage has all but disappeared... can I say the husband definitely knows that? Now that I am back to my perky self... can I say the husband is raring to go?

I am getting lots of hints from the man! I'll be cooking or doing the dishes and he will come up behind me and kiss my neck and [....] and grab my [...]. (I've gotta keep this clean, you know!) I am getting an awful lot of attention from the husband and it's not because I dropped something but rather how I look when I pick it up!

I am showered with tons of compliments from him, such as how nice my hair looks or how I have nice feet or how pretty my smile is when I look at him. I am going to pop if he keeps blowing my bubble and making me feel so pretty and sexy!

The man needs to get laid! And quite frankly, so do I!

And do I need to remind him that's how baby #1, #2, #3 and #4 got here?

I Said A Ba-a-ad Thing!

I blame it on the heat and the pain. We were having a heat wave in the DC area and being only 2 hours away, we had some of it, too. Between the humidity and the heat, the pain and being at the end of my pregnancy, I think I can claim insanity.

It was nearing dinner time and I had to do some dishes before I could get dinner started. With the heat lingering in the house, I've been avoiding the kitchen and cooking is very low on my priority list. We've been eating leftovers from the party and sandwiches, so as not to heat up the house anymore than it already is. Anyway, doing dishes, I put my hand inside one of the glasses to wash it and it broke and sliced my hand in 3 spots. All I saw was a dark red patch of blood spreading over my fingers and I started to feel a little nauseous. I'm not normally squeamish when it comes to blood, but I think the pregnancy and the heat and the pain had something to do with it. I stood there with my hand in the sink trying to steady myself and picking up the broken pieces. I didn't want to call too much attention to myself because then the girls would come running and see and start in on "Lemme see! Lemme see! I wanna see! "

I asked Oldest to go find Daddy and I had envisioned him getting the medicine and band-aids to wrap my finger up. I don't know why I thought this, when I know full well that he is the queasy one when it comes to blood. I grabbed a paper towel and wrapped my hand, then went to go get the medicine. I knew it was on my nightstand and it wasn't there. Checked the bathrooms, nothing. Asked Oldest if she knew where it was, nope. By now I was starting to cry from the pain and my husband tells me I don't need to cry about the medicine. I stared at him thinking he was such an insensitive clod thinking I was crying over medicine and not the actual pain.

I told him he would need to cut up the chicken for me since I had such a bad cut and his response? "Do we have to have this for dinner?" Again, I stared at him and through tears, told him to get out of the kitchen. I said he was an asshole and the minute it came out of my mouth, I regretted it. I was thinking it in my head and didn't mean for it to come out. I was not in my right head, and let me repeat-- it was the heat, it was the broken air conditioner, it was the pain, it was the pregnancy, it was the blood!! It wasn't me!!

I made the dinner and threw it in the oven. I told Hubby he had to make the salad and then I went outside with my mom for a walk around the gardens.

Dinner was a quiet affair. Hubby snapped a little too easily at the kids and we ate dinner without the usual chatter. Afterwards, with the kids watching TV and mom in her room, the husband and I talked. He told me he didn't appreciate what I called him and I told him I was sorry. I also told him that I felt like he was being insensitive and that I wasn't crying for some stupid medicine but because it frigging hurt! He apologized. We kissed and made up and all is well again.

I know that sometimes marriage is not all hearts and flowers and sometimes you have some very real, ugly moments when you think negative thoughts about your husband or wife. Usually you bite your tongue and it goes away and then in those rare moments ( for me, anyway) it actually comes out of your mouth before you can stop it. The key thing, though, is to talk about it afterwards and say you're sorry. Don't let it fester and grow bigger and bigger into something that can't be fixed. I am genuinely sorry I said that, because I know my husband would never say such a thing like that to me. I share this because I wanted to say that we have our rough moments, too, and we say bad things without meaning to. It can happen anytime, anywhere, but as long as you take the time to say you're sorry and to forgive and forget, things will be alright.