Life Is What You Make It

It's a  new year and I feel like I need to say something witty and clever and mention resolutions and express gratitude on new beginnings and blah, blah.. But truth is, new year's day is just another day to me.  It's a brand new year, yes, but the day is just the same as the day before and after it.  Andrew had to work, so it's not like we could go out and par-tay. We don't drink like we used to in the old days. Too many memories of drunken stupors and hangovers the next day. Who wants to go through that again?

When I was younger, I remember going with my parents to a party on December 31st, and I must have been 12, or 13 maybe.  I knew it was something exciting because my parents were drinking. Like real drinking. I'd never seen them drink before! But I was stuck with older kids who seemed to be all aware of adult activities and I felt pretty left out and thought the whole party was kind of boring-- could we please hurry up and go home now?

When I was 21, I could legally drink, as if age ever stopped me before, but at least now I wouldn't get in trouble. A real good friend of mine, her older brother was hosting a party in the basement of their parent's house and it was some party!  I actually liked the champagne! It was dark and there were strobe lights, the music was bass heavy and pounding. People were dancing and I imagine kissing, too, though I had no one to kiss.  You want to know where I was at that party?  Hanging with the DJ, who happened to be a good friend of mine, and helping with the music.

For as long as I can remember, if there was a party and I was there, somehow I always ended up helping in some way-- helping with the music; helping dispense the beer from the kegs; refilling chips and dips in the kitchen; picking up empty cups and helping to clean up. Even if I was the guest!  I never felt like a social butterfly, flitting around and making small talk or going from group to group and being the life of the party.  I've always felt a bit like a wall-flower and I would get tongue-tied at conversations- what do I say, what can I talk about, what if he comes up to me and says something?!? So I kept myself busy, it was easier to say "hey, how ya doing!" then have an excuse to leave by saying, "I'm helping out, gotta go!"

I do better in small groups, when the conversations turn deep or there's actual substance in what we talk about. Where I can learn more about the few people there and make connections and maybe, become closer friends with. Living out here in the country is easy for me, I have an automatic excuse not to go to big social events by saying I live too far.

And New Year's Resolutions? I don't make them anymore. I'm sure there are people who faithfully make them and follow them, but I bet there are more that only last a week and then go back to old habits. I'm pretty happy with myself and my life, I don't see that there are a lot of changes I want or need to make about myself.  I'm comfortable in my skin and it's taken me a long time to get to this point in my life. Resolutions, to me, are about making improvements in your life and I feel like anytime is the time to make improvements, not just that one day a year.

Though I am happy with myself, I am always trying to improve things around me. That's a daily struggle-- keeping the house clutter-free, feeding my family healthy meals, doing my part to live greener and improve my corner of the world. Teaching my children to be good people and loving them. Making sure Andrew knows that he is appreciated and I am thankful for all he does for us. Remembering to count my blessings and be grateful for what I do and don't have.

Here's to a new year, I hope you're as happy with your life as I am. You have every day this year to make changes so if you fail your new year's day resolution, make another one. Who says you have to wait until new year's day?